Do you know who is the toughest person in the world to forgive? Yourself.
A truth I have realized as I grow older is that God is more forgiving of me than I am of myself. There are many people who walk through life with gnawing guilt. They are tortured by guilt, believing that they are forgiven by the ultimate judge, but yet they are condemned by a one person jury: themselves.
Forgiving yourself starts with one little phrase: “I am not perfect.” Can you say that to yourself right now? Some of you might be startled by this idea, thinking, “What do you mean I’m not perfect?” People who are perfectionists have zero tolerance for mistakes in their lives. Even with the “little” stuff, they cannot abide committing errors. They may allow others to make mistakes, but are self-condemning and reluctant to forgive themselves. They imprison themselves in a jail of self-centered anger and throw away the key.
If such a person loses a phone number, locks his or her keys in the car or deletes something from the computer, the reaction is to blow up at themselves. Dr. Chris Thurman in his book Truths We Must Believe says, “These people are convinced that this minor lapse is just one more bit of conclusive proof that they have no value as an individual.” They believe that if I do something stupid, I am stupid. This mindset continues with the heaping on of self-condemnation. Each mistake underscores a lack of perfection which leads to more and more abuse.
When you learn to forgive yourself, you can forgive yourself for mistakes you make, not judge yourself, wrongly, for who you are. Turn you’re stupid, to you do stupid things. Change you’re a loser, to sometimes you lose. Modify you’re a mistake, to sometimes you make mistakes. Alter you’re a failure, to sometimes you fail. Transform your thinking and forgive yourself for your mistakes.
Who you are and what you do are different things. Only by separating the two will ever know the power of forgiveness.
Follow this simple rule: If you forgive yourself for what you do, you can accept yourself for who you are.
The Bible says, “While we were yet sinners” or “while we weren’t perfect,” God, who was perfect, forgave us. Because of His death on the cross, we stand before Him perfect. Forgiving ourselves is a process that begins with His grace, not our efforts.
Give yourself the grace to start over. Take responsibility for the wrong you do, admit it, confess it, but begin again. Forgiveness is all about starting over. If God can forgive you, then you have the context to forgive yourself.
gino grunberg 